Almost sixteen years ago I lost a child when I was eight-months pregnant. It broke my heart. The loss was tremendous but the aftermath was like a tornado being unleashed inside of my mind and body. I went through Postpartum Depression. One of the scariest things I've ever experienced.
My body was left soulless and lifeless. My outgoing personality and my louder-than-life laugh just disappeared.
I couldn't eat.
I couldn't get out of bed.
I was a shell of my former self. Breathing, but not living.
There was no pity party or "getting over" it. Postpartum Depression isn't something you can snap your fingers and *poof* it's gone. It's like living inside of a nightmare that continually runs while you are awake.
My husband, Chris, is a guitarist. To know him, is to know that he speaks through his music. It's one of my favorite things about him. His guitar is merely an extension of the man. His emotions are expressed through the beautiful music he writes.
One day he came to my bedside with his guitar in his hand and said, "I wrote you this song." I don't even think I looked up. I just listened as he played it. The song starts out soft, melodic with single notes being hit on the guitar.
Quiet, sad, afraid, dark, lonely. All of the emotions I felt at the moment.
Slowly the melody and the harmony gradually build. It starts to get more uplifting, happier, and vibrant. I knew what he was telling me. He didn't need to speak to me, the notes told the story. Just as the the notes rise, so would I. I'd laugh again and smile. I'd be me, again.
This song has always moved me to tears. Whenever he's performed it on stage, I cry. Every. Single. Time.
I'm reminded of a time when I thought all was lost, even my very mind. The darkness seemed to span infinity and I lived within a dark hole that no one seemed to save me from.
Until I heard his song...
I typically keep this story hushed and this song cherished, for only my heart, but last night a news story came on about a young family who is going through the same thing I went through all those years ago. And, it got me thinking. I shouldn't keep this song to myself. Maybe Chris wrote it for me sixteen-years-ago, but maybe, just maybe there is someone out there who needs to hear it.
Maybe, it's you.
To hear yourself in it, whatever that may be.
To hear the notes gradually rise and be reminded that you too shall rise from this darkness. That you too shall find joy in this life. That you too will be redeemed. That you too will find love again. That you too will find your purpose. That you too will find peace.
I assure you, there are brighter days ahead.
And, one day, like me, you will look back and listen to this song and smile.
Today, I hope the world enjoys this story and enjoys this song. And, if it even helps one person today, I will have accomplished what I set out to do.
Love, Carol
Song Written by Christopher Daniel Stuart
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